I sit here at my window. Contemplating my superficial life as a human being, as a free thinker, as a philosopher. All these connexions I made with in the bounds of experience, are in reality, being screwed up by the drama infecting my life. Rumors and non rumors a like are drifting, transforming into bombs, dropping and colliding with logical thought. I used to be a more logical person perhaps eight or nine months ago; when I was single. I want to beleive my partner but yet I know that such feelings and thoughts could ruin "procreation" later on in my life, the cause of course would be, MAYBE, suicide. I have been contemplating this thought for sometime now. The effect of suicide would mean no offspring to carry on my ideals of this world. I need to at least " impregnant" a girl, I am reframing from mentioning names. Aside from this, I have a distinct feeling that I, destroy the opportunities presented to me. I eliminate my love life, I become depressed, if doing so is possible; because I, my friend am always sad; at this trivial world, at these ignorant humans around me, at love, at hate, I despise the war, I despise intelligence, I despise the stupid, I despise the government, I depise my life! I wish death would sweep my life up and snuff the lights of my candles out.
Maybe if I didn't sacrifice the majority of my social life for reading, contemplating, working she would just stop this, this hatred towards me. I feel empty from the inside out. The only person near me, or loves me, is God at this time. I wish someone could reach out a helping hand to a free thinker, someone alone and needing advice.
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